


Sayin' Everything We Mean

by closetbidisaster



Series: Fics inspired by songs [7]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Kellex in college again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 02:04:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21245714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetbidisaster/pseuds/closetbidisaster
Summary: Didn't wanna leave, I had toIt's a quarter after threeSayin' everything we meanOrKelley and Alex try to navigate distance and feelings





	Sayin' Everything We Mean

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 3:15 by Bazzi

Kelley can’t sleep. She knows she needs to; she has an early flight to catch back to Georgia. But Kelley’s mind is spinning a million miles an hour and even if she wanted to, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. So instead, she disentangles herself from the girl sleeping next to her and goes to sit by the window. No part of her wants to leave when the sun comes up, something that still rattles her. She loves going home to see her family when given the chance. She’s spent so much time away from them because attending U20 National Team camps and games and co-captaining the Stanford women’s soccer team was a full-time job. But sitting here tonight, she’s starting to rethink her priorities. 

She glances back at the girl that had flipped her world upside down and feels herself smile while her heart starts to ache. She thinks back to earlier that day, the moment she had realized she didn’t want to leave.

She had changed her flight itinerary, now flying out of Oakland instead of SJC as originally planned. She had changed it last minute simply because Alex had asked her if there was any way to see her before she left. Kelley’s parents weren’t thrilled with their daughter’s spur of the moment decision, but they understood what it was like to be in love, so they didn’t question it. 

\---

Kelley had gotten in her car and made the hour and fifteen-minute drive from Stanford to Berkeley to see the girl she was head over heels for. She had stopped along the way, picking up food from Alex’s favorite little diner and when the younger girl had opened the door, Kelley’s mind had gone completely blank save for one thought: don’t leave.

The thought had terrified her initially. She and Alex weren’t serious; they had decided that wouldn’t have been fair to either of them early on in their relationship. 

But in that moment, Kelley knew that if Alex had asked her to stop dating other people, she wouldn’t hesitate. As it was, she barely dated anyone else. She had tried, but none of the other girls had interested her. At least, not enough to hold her attention for more than an hour at most. 

The two had eaten and then taken a walk around Alex’s campus. Kelley knew it almost as well as her own at this point, but she was more than happy to let Alex guide her as if it was her first time visiting. They visited the campus’ bookstore and Alex insisted that Kelley buy a shirt or shorts or something with the Cal Bear logo on it. Kelley had refused. She was proud to be a Stanford Cardinal and she wouldn’t be caught dead in another university’s gear. She was not going to let Alex win this fight.

She lasted ten minutes. Alex had resorted to a combination of pouting, pleading, and finally demanding that Kelley buy something and finally, the older girl relented. She hated seeing Alex pout, even though she knew the taller striker wouldn’t have actually been upset if she hadn’t bought anything.

The two girls then headed back to Alex’s dorm room where they broke into a bottle of vodka she had been saving for a “special occasion”. As they sat on the floor, passing the bottle between them, Alex looked to Kelley.

“Dance with me.”

The request was simple, but Kelley was thrown off. There wasn’t any music, and her slightly drunk mind couldn’t piece together why Alex would want to dance at a time like this. But she wasn’t one to deny Alex’s wishes, so she stood and held a hand out to her.

“What are you thinking? Waltz, tango, polka?” Alex just smiled at her and pulled Kelley closer, wrapping her hands around the shorter’s girl neck while Kelley’s hands found their way to Alex’s waist.

“So we’re doing this with no music?” Alex sighs and leans forward to kiss Kelley, effectively shutting her up. Kelley pulls back before things get very far and looks at the ground.

“Kel?” Alex tries to get her to look at her but Kelley’s eyes remain trained on the floor. Kelley then takes a step back, out of Alex’s embrace.

“Lex, I have to tell you something. It’s been eating at me lately and if I don’t get it out, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Kelley is still avoiding her eyes and Alex is starting to get worried and also slightly irritated because of Kelley’s sudden distance. She thought they had something good going and now Kelley was going to end it after driving nearly two hours, bringing her food, and letting Alex kiss her.

She’s pulled from her thoughts as Kelley starts to speak again.

“I don’t want to date other people. I want to date you. Only you.”

Kelley’s finally looking at her and Alex can see the truth and vulnerability in her eyes. Her breath catches slightly and her mind spins as she tries to process what Kelley is trying to say. Kelley didn’t want anyone else and Alex couldn’t wrap her mind around that. As she struggled to find the words to respond, she saw a brief look of panic flash across Kelley’s face. Alex immediately grabbed Kelley’s arm before she could back away.

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. I wasn’t exactly expecting this today.”

Kelley looks at the floor again, feeling guilty. Here she was, telling Alex that she only wanted her, while fully knowing she had a flight the next morning and that she wouldn’t see the Berkeley soccer star for at least three months. Kelley’s free hand was fiddling with the hem of her new Cal shirt.

“Kel, can you look at me? Please,” Alex took a small step closer to Kelley. The older girl looked up, eyes full of worry. Alex’s heart broke slightly at the sight; the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Kelley. But she also didn’t want to have this conversation when Kelley was about to fly across the country for the summer. 

“I’m sorry, Alex. I know this isn’t fair to you. I know I’m about to leave for the summer, but I can’t keep acting like this isn’t affecting me. I can’t keep pretending that this is casual to me, to either of us. Honestly, Alex, you can’t tell me you don’t feel the same. Can you?” It’s Alex’s turn to break eye contact.

She does feel the same. That’s the problem. She’s never been good at relationships, let alone ones that involve distance. She’s afraid she’ll hurt Kelley, that their relationship will fizzle out. Kelley has plans to play in the WPS when she graduates, and she’ll be leaving Alex behind in California. It’s not that she doesn’t trust Kelley, she just doesn’t want to feel like she’s holding the older girl back.

“I don’t want you to date other people, Kelley. But I could never forgive myself for holding you back from your dreams.”

Kelley sucks in a sharp breath.

“Holding me back? Lex, why would you ever think you would hold me back?”

“Because you want to go professional and you’ll probably end up across the country and I don’t want you feeling guilty about not coming to watch me play or see me graduate or-”

Alex is rambling and her voice is starting to get louder, so Kelley cuts her off.

“You wouldn’t be holding me back! Alex, if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I want this, that I believe in us, I wouldn’t be risking this right now.”

“Can we just go to bed, please? You have an early morning,” Alex deflects Kelley’s response and despite feeling hurt by it, Kelley agrees, getting into Alex’s bed with her.

\---

Kelley was still kicking herself for letting Alex get away without finishing the conversation. She had left the other forward’s dorm before the girl had even woken up, heading for the airport. Alex found the note when she woke up, laying on her nightstand.

“Lex, I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye properly, but I have a flight to catch. I hope you know that I could never think you would hold me back and I would hope you would think the same of me. You’re gonna go so far and I can’t wait to see everything you’ll achieve. Screw the haters and the doubters, I’ll always bee your biggest fan. I hope we can finish our conversation from last night sometime soon.

Love always,

KO”

Alex fell back against her pillow, groaning. She was so screwed.

Meanwhile, Kelley’s plane was climbing through the sky and her mind was as clouded as the California horizon was. She was remembering all of the good times they had together, all of the jokes they’d made up over the last two years, the late-night drives to the middle of nowhere, and everything in between. As she leaned against the back of her seat, Kelley couldn’t help but think that, if it weren’t for Alex, she would be thrilled to be living the life she is. Co-captain of the Stanford women’s soccer team, appearances with the U20 United States’ women’s team, preparing to graduate and enter the WPS draft. Kelley didn’t really have anything to complain about. But Alex’s entrance into her life had sort of turned her plans sideways, not that she regretted it. In fact, she wished things were slightly different. She wished Alex was at Stanford instead of Cal, that they weren’t a year apart, that they weren’t so afraid to try.

For a moment, Kelley entertains the idea of purchasing Alex a one-way ticket to wherever she ends up, assuming she’s drafted. She allows herself to imagine the two of them, in an apartment in Boston, New Jersey, or even St. Louis, playing together. She thinks of the possibilities of them winning championships together, winning World Cups together, the Olympics. She couldn’t imagine anyone else she would rather have by her side for any of those things.

When the plane lands, Kelley is pulled out of her thoughts and powers her phone back on. It lights up with a text from the girl who was always at the forefront of Kelley’s mind.

From: AM13  
To: KO  
“How expensive are flights to Georgia? Not sure I can go the whole summer not seeing the person I want to date”

Kelley’s heart speeds up and she replies quickly.

From: KO  
To: AM13  
“I’ll only tell you if you promise to let me take you out for real once you get here”

She waits, tapping the top of the seat in front of her, nervously as she waits to deplane. Her phone buzzes and she quickly opens the text from Alex.

From: AM13  
To: KO  
“Looking forward to it, stud ;)”

Kelley smiles as she exits the plane and immediately starts looking up cheap flights and trying to figure out a way to explain to her parents that Alex was coming, this time, as more than a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to make it a bittersweet ending, but that's already the plan for the next one, so hope you enjoyed this ending. Next couple won't be quite so happy. You've been warned
> 
> Drop a song request and I'll add it to my list!


End file.
